Where Do I Belong? (The SundayPost)

"Down there is the famous Dharahara,…. straight ahead lies the Rani Pokhari ………and a bit on your right is the Ghantaghar….." says our guide and I eagerly look down. I see green everywhere, like a sea covered with green algae, and amongst them I see three squarish looking barren land with a few traces of what seems as rock and rubble. The guide on our cruise-plane sees the disappointment in most of our faces and begins to explain. I don't pay much attention to him. I'm already in my own world of my thoughts. I catch a few of his phrases here and there, understanding only that in the past few decades Nepal has undergone a massive change and metamorphosized into a sanctuary. The rest of what I hear seems gibberish.

In my thoughts, I'm with my parents in the old Nepal somewhere in the mid 2000. We leave for America in an attempt to re-establish ourselves and make a different identity for ourselves. But this was just a misty excuse. Once in the US the sun shone and the mist vanished. We were more bent on keeping our identity than making a new one. Faced with the hardships of everyday life, we cursed the day we left our home back in Nepal. However, we managed and had a life much like in Nepal in our Nepalese community. But what we did is of no major concern. What happened to Nepal from 2010-20 was our concern even in our small Nepalese community in the States. So many people started going abroad that the population of the country was at its lowest. Most had gone to the neighbouring Asian countries but nevertheless they had abandoned their motherland. In addition to that, most of these did not return. Instead they got a citizenship of that country. Nepal's foreign aid was also climbing up. So what happened ??? I've asked myself this question a thousand times but still I've never quite got the answer. I admit…..(sprattle..chug…..). "ugh…!", I say in disgust. The guide tells us - a bit embarrassed - " hee…hee…hee…corruption. Never quite goes away does it!" ( damn it! Why can't the government be more careful with only a few thousand people to look after. Let's continue.) I admit that Nepal was huge on debt and high on foreign aids but that doesn't mean that the powerful could do such a thing to our country and our pride. What they did was a huge backlash to our pride. The countries got together, took advantage of the political instability, and named Nepal as the worlds only and biggest - 'International Wildlife Park '. The words 'only' and 'biggest' were supposed to be a sort of consolation or a form of international pride. But, what pride is there when it makes you feel like you sold out your own country. They made a mockery of us and we were supposed to join in the fun. The surprising thing is that we did! There was a mutual and written agreement from both parties as the Government of Nepal and the Representative for the International Countries exchanged contracts and had a grand party to rejoice such an occasion. But rejoice they did, my foot! they rejoiced the end of our country and the dawn of their own country, a country they could manipulate and use.

" Coming up you will see the beautiful Phewa lake and if you look carefully you can see……." His voice trails off as I continue my conversation with my thoughts. Then what happened? I think. Then what else was to happen. The government gave the rest of the people, except for the few thousand, a new citizenship and sent them off to foreign land to start a new life. Most of the other countries agreed to grant citizenship to the Nepalese already present. And a few others had to be convinced with a bit of the earning that came from the tourists that visited the 'International Wildlife Park'. I don't think I'd ever seen such an unanimous agreement by powerful countries.

My thoughts take me to another aspect of the matter as I watch some of the kids in the cruise-plane eagerly looking out of the window and asking questions to their parents. What am I supposed to tell my children when they ask about their true homeland. Will I be telling them that I grew up in what is now a jungle. That - where now the animals sleep I used to sleep and where animals now play was where I used to pray. And what about their ancestry? Do I tell them that there is pride in once belonging to a country which is now an international sanctuary. Whatever I tell them I guess I'll be back to square one - no Nepal, so where do I belong?